various causes of distress at the moment

In ascending order of intensity:

1. A while back, my PowerBook busted-- literally. I went to open it and the little hinge on the casing went crrrack. According to Mac people, repair would involve replacing major parts, and cost so much as to make it more worthwhile to just get a new computer. A new computer is definitely NOT in the budget at the moment, especially with #2 on the way in less than a month, so Peter pulled out my creaky old G3, which I've been using contentedly for the past few months. Today, though, I think it creaked its last creak. We are running out of old computers for me to tap at. *sigh*

2. My mom has suffered from chronic back pain for years, and is currently going through a course of mostly unhelpful steroid shots. My dad just recently started to suffer severe back pain due to the resurgence of an injury from a couple of years ago (they think). Neither of them is pursuing any further treatment before they come up here when the baby is born-- and they'll be driving up from Texas, too. So their trip up and back won't be any too comfy, and they'll both pretty much be suffering the entire time they're here. I feel dreadful for them, but trying to get my mom to postpone the visit until they're at least a little better is, well, an exercise in futility. So I feel dreadful for them and also a touch irritated at my mom for being so intractable. And guilty for my lack of filial piety in being irritated at my mom, who just wants to be here when her grandchild is born.

3. I discovered yesterday that someone I have admired and respected for years has done something massively, heartbreakingly disappointing. Their actions and choices are just so shockingly inconsistent with what I have known (or thought I knew) of their character and integrity, I am experiencing some serious cognitive dissonance trying to understand. At the very least, their actions can only be interpreted as foolish and extremely imprudent, which would be upsetting enough. But I fear imprudence is only the tip of the iceberg here. At any rate, I'm stunned-- and distressed, to the point of losing both sleep and comfort. This person is an adult, responsible for their own choices, and I know my grieving over them won't do anything to help the situation. I am grieving, though. It's so very hard to watch while someone you love does something you know will almost inevitably result in misery for them down the road.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

Re: #3...Perhaps this is preparing you for when Colin and Baby #2 make all sorts of teenage mistakes. Mistakes that you KNOW will cause them heartbreak and misery. Course, maybe your two will be perfect children who will merely learn from their parents' lives and not havea to make mistakes of their own? In any event, I expect that this friend event will pale in comparision in 10-15 years when your kiddos act up. :-) Just trying to make you feel better!